You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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