u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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