The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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