one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
