A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
