in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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