You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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