I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
