So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
