I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
