i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
