What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
