are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
