im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
