i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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