Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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