I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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