dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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