I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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