Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Randomize