Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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