I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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