Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
