I don't usually arrange sex via text message
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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