hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
