My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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