I got chris browned last night
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
