My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
