I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
