her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
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