i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
