I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
