If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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