Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
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