i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
