toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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