I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
