I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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