Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
