While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize