some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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