Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
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Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
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Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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