I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
When did angry sex become our thing?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
