Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
