she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
