I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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