I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize