I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
