Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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