butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
