Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
