im having a threesome with these popsicles
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
