Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
