Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
