im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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