so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
