well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
