I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
You work out of a Hotel?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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