Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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