Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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