Say something about gay babies.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
